So I just watched Beauty and the Beast (2017.) If I had to describe it in a word it would be unnecessary. 

It's not a bad movie per se. The production was up to Disney's high standards. The cast was solid, the special effects were good, and the sets were nice. But nothing was exceptional. 

I think that my biggest problem with this movie is how much it copies the 1991 classic. Of the recent run of Disney live action remakes (Jungle Book, Pete's Dragon, etc.) this one adheres the most to the original story beats. It's not quite as bad as Psycho, but it is shot for shot for large segments. This highlights the huge problem with remakes. When the original is a perfectly paced classic trying to recapture those moments feels hollow and leaves you wanting the original. 

Then you have the changes they did make. None of them felt necessary or interesting. I don't need to know what happened to Belle's mom. I don't need a tragic backstory for the beast. This movie is basically a lesson in less is more. One of the best examples being when Belle leaves the castle. In the new movie Beast goes into a sappy ballad, whereas in the old movie he just lets out an anguished roar that rings across the castle as Belle rides away. The simple roar gets across everything that the song does without beating it into your skull like a melancholic cudgel. 

I also found the new designs of the castle's inhabitants to be creepy and off putting. Chip will forever haunt my nightmares. 

I don't know how much there is to say. In a world where the 1991 animated Beauty and the Beast exists, the 2017 adaptation remains wholly unremarkable. It fails the biggest test that a remake has. It never made me forget the original. It reminded me how much I love animation and really miss traditional hand drawn animation. Overall I give Beauty and the Beast (2017) 10 out of 29 gay Lefou moments. 

Stray Thoughts:

• Emma Watson is so auto tuned she sounds like T-Pain 
• Ian McKellen as Cogsworth is the only character I prefer over the original
• I feel no sympathy for Maurice in this version. In the original Lumierre invites Maurice in to sit by the fire and have tea. In 2017 Maurice helps himself. 
• I also kick out homeless ladies when they barge into my fancy dinner parties. I don’t care how many roses they offer. The Enchantress is a bitch. 
• I didn’t realize 1700s French villages were so ethnically diverse 
• If the Beast was a Prince, did France forget that it was a monarchy for a couple years? It was implied that his father is dead in this version. Doesn’t that make him a king?